As my son got older, we grew increasingly more concerned as he wasn't talking at all and he was prone to temper tantrums and night terrors. He would for what appeared to be no reason at all, throw himself on the ground and scream at the top of his lungs. Nothing we did would calm him and we could never figure out why he did this. We thought maybe he was autistic, so we had him tested through the county and they pretty much immediately told me he did not because he brought a toy to me to play with him. We got him into a county program that put him in a sort of pre-school for kids with developmental delays due to his speech (or lack thereof). This put a huge stress on our marriage as we never knew when our little ticking time-bomb might go off. Is he going to be good at the grocery store this time or is it going to be another battle? Eventually he did stop throwing the tantrums and his speech, while he did have difficulty, eventually got better.
As his speech was improving, the relationship between my wife & I was deteriorating rapidly. She has dermatillomania (a skin picking disorder) and if I ever wanted to be intimate with her I basically had to beg.
Once she graduated and started working as a nurse, she worked nights. I was very proud of her when she graduated, and I tried to show it but I'm pretty sure she had already made up her mind that our relationship and therefore our marriage was pretty much over at that point. Once she started working, she basically spent all of her time at home asleep. This really bothered me, she wouldn't even get up a couple hours before she had to leave for work so she could spend a little time with the kids (my son & step-son) before she left for work. The only time she would come out was if our son had been acting up and I put him in his room. He would then scream at the door (his room was right next to ours), this would wake her up and she'd come out and get him and bring him to bed with her. Essentially counteracting his punishment. This went on for a while until one evening I had had enough. When she continually refused to spend any time with the family, but would come out to get him it upset me. So this time I yelled at her to go back to bed and leave him be. I believe that was the moment that I realized that I was done.
I talked to her at some point during all of this and asked if we could give it another shot, she said yes we could try. Nothing really changed after that and I decided to put my thoughts to paper. I always organized my thoughts better on paper (or a computer screen really as I hate handwriting). I essentially wrote her an ultimatum of what I wanted and what I was willing to do to get there. She didn't like it and we had another fight. She then told me she was going to move out in a couple months.
July of 2009 and she finally moved out. We agreed that she would get our son for a week and I would get him for a week. Friday to Friday. He would be starting Kindergarten in the fall and he went to school based on my address. Over the next several months a lot of things happened. I made attempts to try to patch things up between us, but she never seemed interested at all. I won tickets to go to an air show and plane festival, she agreed to go and bring the boys and then canceled on me at the last minute. I lost my job in September and ended up having to fight with that employer over unemployment benefits (they tried to say that I didn't deserve them, they lost but not before I went over two months with no paychecks). I finally started a contract position at the beginning of December that was scheduled to go through February.
I got back on my feet and also decided that I was going to file for divorce. I called and told her over the phone, and after her being the one to leave and having no interest in any of my attempts to patch things up, she acted upset. I almost laughed. The actual divorce didn't end up being filed until March of 2012 and finalized in August of the same year. Divorce is expensive, whether you agree on everything and are filing yourself or not. That brings you up to the beginning of 2010, where I posted previously about my second love coming back into my life.
More on that next time.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Number 5, part 3 Baby Time!
Things were pretty good for the first couple years. Our biggest arguments were about money, I wasn't used to someone telling me how I could or couldn't spend my money and it took some getting used to. Then, about 8 or 9 months in we decided that we were going to start trying to have a baby. It took a few months and a little discouragement but by the beginning of March we found out that she was pregnant and due in late October.
Those months were pretty good. The one thing I had always dreamed of was having a family and being a dad. I had a step-son, but that's not the same. I was so excited about having my own child. People would ask me what I wanted and my only answer was, "A healthy child." And at the time I truly meant it. But I can't tell you how glad I've been since then that God graced me with a boy. Don't get me wrong, I would've loved a girl the same, but I think raising a boy is somewhat easier. After all, instead of playing with dolls, I get to play with swords and guns and video games. Definitely more my pace. :)
So as time goes on, the due date gets pushed back a bit and ends up being November 3rd. Well by the end of October we were getting very impatient and scheduled an inducement on November 1st. Up until then we did everything we could think of to make him come sooner. Long walks on the beach, etc. None of it worked. So, Halloween night we check into the hospital (apparently inducement actually starts several hours before the birth) and by 9:24 am the next morning, we had a beautiful baby boy.
I was only able to take 3 1/2 days off work, two of those were spent in the hospital and one 1/2 at home. Going back to work was very difficult, all I wanted to do was spend time with my wife and baby. I remember taking pictures and video the first day or two and then like 15-20 days went by before I took out either camera again. After that I took pictures like crazy. That boy became the light of my life, and I felt an overflowing love and joy towards my wife in the first month or two after he was born. I felt like my dreams had finally come true, I had everything I wanted... or so I thought.
Those months were pretty good. The one thing I had always dreamed of was having a family and being a dad. I had a step-son, but that's not the same. I was so excited about having my own child. People would ask me what I wanted and my only answer was, "A healthy child." And at the time I truly meant it. But I can't tell you how glad I've been since then that God graced me with a boy. Don't get me wrong, I would've loved a girl the same, but I think raising a boy is somewhat easier. After all, instead of playing with dolls, I get to play with swords and guns and video games. Definitely more my pace. :)
So as time goes on, the due date gets pushed back a bit and ends up being November 3rd. Well by the end of October we were getting very impatient and scheduled an inducement on November 1st. Up until then we did everything we could think of to make him come sooner. Long walks on the beach, etc. None of it worked. So, Halloween night we check into the hospital (apparently inducement actually starts several hours before the birth) and by 9:24 am the next morning, we had a beautiful baby boy.
I was only able to take 3 1/2 days off work, two of those were spent in the hospital and one 1/2 at home. Going back to work was very difficult, all I wanted to do was spend time with my wife and baby. I remember taking pictures and video the first day or two and then like 15-20 days went by before I took out either camera again. After that I took pictures like crazy. That boy became the light of my life, and I felt an overflowing love and joy towards my wife in the first month or two after he was born. I felt like my dreams had finally come true, I had everything I wanted... or so I thought.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Number 5, part 2 The Proposal & Wedding
So about 3 months after starting dating, we were at Wal-Mart shopping. She was on food stamps at the time and we had filled the cart to the top with food. We got in line to check out and she gave me her EBT card (it's a food stamp debit card) and told me the PIN. Then she said she'd be right back. I loaded the groceries on the belt, but when the time to check out came she still had not returned and I had forgotten the code, but thought I could remember it. After keying it incorrectly 3 times in a row it automatically locks and you have to call them to unlock it. Unfortunately they are only open Monday through Friday 8a-5p and it was like 8:00 pm on Friday. Frustrated and embarrassed I got upset and when she got back I blamed it on her for not getting back soon enough and where the heck did she go anyways?
Well, aren't I just some fine piece of work? She went off to go buy the Lord of the Rings movie that had just come out on dvd as a surprise for me. And how do I thank her? By making her cry. I felt like the lowest dirtiest scumbag on earth.
I had been tossing around the idea in my head about asking her to marry me, but I had wanted to have a ring ahead of time and all that jazz. Anyways, we're sitting in my truck and I'm apologizing to her for getting upset and taking the blame for it and the next thing I know it pops in my head that I should ask her now. So I did, I asked her to marry me in my truck in the Wal-Mart parking lot. No ring and her tears weren't even dry yet from me yelling at her. Her response was, "R-r-really?" To which I was taken slightly aback, but I said, "Yes." and then she said, "Yes."
During this time I also talked her into going back to school, so she enrolled with me in the fall (I had started going back to school one year prior). The job that she was in was only a temporary position and they wouldn't let her take off the time she needed for school and basically told her that it was either school or them. She chose school, but felt like she had been fired. Right around this same time her divorce was finalized. After this she went into a depressed state where pretty much all she did was sleep. She would go to school and do her schoolwork, but pretty much spent the rest of the time in bed. Nothing I did would change it and just before Christmas I was over it and was seriously considering breaking up with her. Probably the only reason that I didn't was because I was afraid she might become suicidal if I did and I couldn't bear that thought. Shortly after that she snapped out of it and started acting like a normal person again.
At some point, and I honestly don't remember exactly when this was, but I think it was early January, I did say to her that I thought we should put off the wedding for a while. Wait until we could afford to have the wedding we want and all that. The response that I received was one of, "You don't love me and you don't want to marry me." I assured her that was not the case, just that I thought maybe we had rushed into this and should just give it a little time. I wasn't breaking up with her. Prior to that we had decided to get married some time in March. Then about mid January (or maybe February, the dates are fuzzy in my head) something happened (I can't remember the details) that made me decide to go ahead and go through with the wedding in March. We decided we would have it on March 27th, a Thursday with a small gathering of friends and family on the beach. Then we would have a full blown ceremony where we invited everyone the following year (and since 2004 was a leap year that would put the 27th on a Saturday). But the full blown ceremony never happened. Once you're actually married, the ceremony thing becomes a low priority and life happens.
So, we were married on the 27th of March, with a whole lot of people mad at us because they weren't invited. The truth was, everything happened so fast we were lucky that we were able to even have our marriage license (we got it the day of the wedding). I wish things could have gone differently for the wedding, by the time the reception came I had a tremendous headache and was in somewhat of a foul mood because of it. The wedding itself went well though, my father married us, the rain held off and the wind wasn't too bad.
My best man's speech at the reception could've been better, in fact it would've been difficult to make it worse. I don't really believe in bad omens, but looking back on it, it just feels like it was doomed from the beginning.
More to come...
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Number 5, Marriage, Kids & Divorce part 1
Sometimes I think I'm doomed to never be happy when it comes to relationships. My fifth love is a long story. I met her in 1996, she was dating one of my other friends on & off and I had an almost immediate crush. She knew I liked her and she liked to tease me, but the truth was she didn't really like me enough to date me. Then we lost contact for a few years.
We reconnected in 2002, I saw her at the Renaissance Festival and we traded phone numbers. I honestly didn't know if I'd hear from her again or not, but a couple weeks later she called me while I was at a concert festival called Livestock. It just happened that when she called I was packing up and getting ready to leave and we agreed to meet up and hang out later that night. I don't remember what we did, but I do remember that she still smoked at this point.
Now during that in between time, she had gotten pregnant and then married to the same guy from 1996. When we reconnected she wasn't divorced yet, but the paperwork had been filed. Her son was 3 when we started hanging out again.
So after that first night of hanging out, I won tickets on the radio to a comedy club and invited her to go with me. Her response was, "Really? You want me to go with you?" I didn't understand why I wouldn't want her to go with me, after all she was my friend and we had fun hanging out. At this point I was still attracted to her, but didn't really have any interest in dating her, she was still smoking and trying to piece her life back together.
She was staying at her parent's house but they didn't really want her there and she kept having arguments with her ex over custody , etc. Her ex was dating this girl that was brain-washing her son into thinking that she was his real mom. They even went so far as to call child services on her for things that weren't true. I'm not going to say that she was squeaky clean or the perfect mother, but she was not guilty of the things they were accusing her of.
Child services had her take a drug test and she ended up admitting to smoking marijuana. Immediately after this point, she quit smoking that and cigarettes. She also started staying at my house, sleeping on the couch. I've had lots of my friends stay with me during their time of need. I like helping people if I can. After a few nights of her sleeping on the couch she was complaining that her back was killing her from sleeping there (I admit it was not a good couch to sleep on). So, I offered that she could sleep in my bed with me and that I would not try anything or lay a finger on her. After having so many bad experiences with men in her past, she felt it was necessary to give me the third degree about how she is not interested in dating me and I better not lay a finger on her or try anything. All of this was fine with me, as far as I was concerned it was just a place to sleep and I told her so. I'm not sure that she believed me, but she decided to sleep next to me anyways.
After two or three nights of sleeping next to me and me not laying so much as a finger on her or trying anything, I woke up to her kissing me. Who am I to stop a pretty woman from kissing me when I'm single? Basically she had never had someone be so nice to her ever before and she couldn't believe that I didn't try anything with her sleeping next to me. Apparently it affected her.
Now what I was not aware of at this time was how damaged she was from the things that other men had done to her over the years and her first boyfriend worst of all. Since she was already staying with me and sleeping in my bed, this didn't change after we started dating, except that now we were dating and living together. She officially moved in and moved her stuff in. I quickly realized that something was wrong, she would wake up screaming in the middle of the night from terror nightmares and it would take me hours to get her to calm down and go back to sleep. Also, she wouldn't wear any clothes with bright colors. Dark colors is all she would wear because she felt like anything else drew attention to her and people would stare. It took some coaxing, but she finally started wearing bright colors and eventually the nightmares stopped (this took much longer).
We started dating in May and by August I asked her to marry me.
We reconnected in 2002, I saw her at the Renaissance Festival and we traded phone numbers. I honestly didn't know if I'd hear from her again or not, but a couple weeks later she called me while I was at a concert festival called Livestock. It just happened that when she called I was packing up and getting ready to leave and we agreed to meet up and hang out later that night. I don't remember what we did, but I do remember that she still smoked at this point.
Now during that in between time, she had gotten pregnant and then married to the same guy from 1996. When we reconnected she wasn't divorced yet, but the paperwork had been filed. Her son was 3 when we started hanging out again.
So after that first night of hanging out, I won tickets on the radio to a comedy club and invited her to go with me. Her response was, "Really? You want me to go with you?" I didn't understand why I wouldn't want her to go with me, after all she was my friend and we had fun hanging out. At this point I was still attracted to her, but didn't really have any interest in dating her, she was still smoking and trying to piece her life back together.
She was staying at her parent's house but they didn't really want her there and she kept having arguments with her ex over custody , etc. Her ex was dating this girl that was brain-washing her son into thinking that she was his real mom. They even went so far as to call child services on her for things that weren't true. I'm not going to say that she was squeaky clean or the perfect mother, but she was not guilty of the things they were accusing her of.
Child services had her take a drug test and she ended up admitting to smoking marijuana. Immediately after this point, she quit smoking that and cigarettes. She also started staying at my house, sleeping on the couch. I've had lots of my friends stay with me during their time of need. I like helping people if I can. After a few nights of her sleeping on the couch she was complaining that her back was killing her from sleeping there (I admit it was not a good couch to sleep on). So, I offered that she could sleep in my bed with me and that I would not try anything or lay a finger on her. After having so many bad experiences with men in her past, she felt it was necessary to give me the third degree about how she is not interested in dating me and I better not lay a finger on her or try anything. All of this was fine with me, as far as I was concerned it was just a place to sleep and I told her so. I'm not sure that she believed me, but she decided to sleep next to me anyways.
After two or three nights of sleeping next to me and me not laying so much as a finger on her or trying anything, I woke up to her kissing me. Who am I to stop a pretty woman from kissing me when I'm single? Basically she had never had someone be so nice to her ever before and she couldn't believe that I didn't try anything with her sleeping next to me. Apparently it affected her.
Now what I was not aware of at this time was how damaged she was from the things that other men had done to her over the years and her first boyfriend worst of all. Since she was already staying with me and sleeping in my bed, this didn't change after we started dating, except that now we were dating and living together. She officially moved in and moved her stuff in. I quickly realized that something was wrong, she would wake up screaming in the middle of the night from terror nightmares and it would take me hours to get her to calm down and go back to sleep. Also, she wouldn't wear any clothes with bright colors. Dark colors is all she would wear because she felt like anything else drew attention to her and people would stare. It took some coaxing, but she finally started wearing bright colors and eventually the nightmares stopped (this took much longer).
We started dating in May and by August I asked her to marry me.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Fourth Time in Love
My fourth love was another girl that I met on IRC. This one lived in California. We had been chatting for a couple weeks (flirting and private chatting had only been going on for about 3 or 4 days at this point) when she asked me to come see her and bought my plane ticket. I was floored, I'd been chatting online for many years at this point and had spoken with many women, this was the first one that bought a plane ticket for her or me.
A few days after she bought the ticket was 9/11/01. My flight was not for a couple weeks yet, but I was afraid that it might now be canceled. As it turns out, they started letting people fly again about 4 days before my flight left. So I flew out to see her and we hit it off great (even though I was extremely nervous that she wouldn't like me after meeting me in person). Even her mom liked me (even though she tried to hate me as she told me later).
So things were good, we fell in love, she came here next a couple weeks after my visit there and then I went there for Thanksgiving. I flew from FL to CA and then to Reno (they have family there they decided to spend Thanksgiving with after my plane tickets were already purchased) with them and then back to CA for a day or two before I flew back home. It was a fantastic trip, I finally met her father and all of her family and I got along well. I flew back home after a nice stay, feeling like I was on top of the world.
She decides to buy me another plane ticket to come visit her about 3 weeks after Thanksgiving. We buy the tickets and then I realize that the weekend we bought the tickets for is my friend's wedding. We end up changing the tickets for the weekend before Christmas (about 2 weeks later). Shortly after we change the ticket I find out that she's still in touch with her ex that treated her like dirt.. and still in love with him. We spend many hours talking on the phone, me trying to understand what happened and her telling me how she can't make me understand what she doesn't understand.
I consider canceling my trip to see her, but end up going after all. While we're in the hotel room one night, he calls just to let her know that he arrived safely in LA. She chats with him on the phone for a bit and then tells him that she loves him as she's hanging up with him. I am outraged and fuming. I get up, put my shoes on and start packing my stuff. My plane didn't leave for another day & a half, but I had to get out of there. She sees me tying my shoes and asks me what I'm doing. I said, "I'm leaving, I don't know where I'm going, but I can't stay here." She ends up talking me into staying after me telling her how I couldn't believe how she could tell me she loves me with one breath and tells him the same thing with the other. I end up staying and then flying home a couple days later. When I get home I decide to tell her that she needs to make a choice between me & him. I can't be the other man and he lives there, so what chance do I have against him? She asks for some time to think about it. I agree to a few days. Christmas comes and goes and I ask her for her decision. She tells me that she can't decide and asks for a couple more days. After much arguing, I give in and tell her if she doesn't make a choice then I will make it for her and leave.
A couple days go by and once again she has made no choice. So, I break up with her, even though it breaks my own heart in the process...
I stopped talking to her for a time and even stopped chatting on IRC not too much longer after this. We have since let our past be our past and are now friends again. She actually got married to a different guy she met on IRC and moved to Australia with him. She seems happy and I'm glad. I wish things had turned out so well for me...
A few days after she bought the ticket was 9/11/01. My flight was not for a couple weeks yet, but I was afraid that it might now be canceled. As it turns out, they started letting people fly again about 4 days before my flight left. So I flew out to see her and we hit it off great (even though I was extremely nervous that she wouldn't like me after meeting me in person). Even her mom liked me (even though she tried to hate me as she told me later).
So things were good, we fell in love, she came here next a couple weeks after my visit there and then I went there for Thanksgiving. I flew from FL to CA and then to Reno (they have family there they decided to spend Thanksgiving with after my plane tickets were already purchased) with them and then back to CA for a day or two before I flew back home. It was a fantastic trip, I finally met her father and all of her family and I got along well. I flew back home after a nice stay, feeling like I was on top of the world.
She decides to buy me another plane ticket to come visit her about 3 weeks after Thanksgiving. We buy the tickets and then I realize that the weekend we bought the tickets for is my friend's wedding. We end up changing the tickets for the weekend before Christmas (about 2 weeks later). Shortly after we change the ticket I find out that she's still in touch with her ex that treated her like dirt.. and still in love with him. We spend many hours talking on the phone, me trying to understand what happened and her telling me how she can't make me understand what she doesn't understand.
I consider canceling my trip to see her, but end up going after all. While we're in the hotel room one night, he calls just to let her know that he arrived safely in LA. She chats with him on the phone for a bit and then tells him that she loves him as she's hanging up with him. I am outraged and fuming. I get up, put my shoes on and start packing my stuff. My plane didn't leave for another day & a half, but I had to get out of there. She sees me tying my shoes and asks me what I'm doing. I said, "I'm leaving, I don't know where I'm going, but I can't stay here." She ends up talking me into staying after me telling her how I couldn't believe how she could tell me she loves me with one breath and tells him the same thing with the other. I end up staying and then flying home a couple days later. When I get home I decide to tell her that she needs to make a choice between me & him. I can't be the other man and he lives there, so what chance do I have against him? She asks for some time to think about it. I agree to a few days. Christmas comes and goes and I ask her for her decision. She tells me that she can't decide and asks for a couple more days. After much arguing, I give in and tell her if she doesn't make a choice then I will make it for her and leave.
A couple days go by and once again she has made no choice. So, I break up with her, even though it breaks my own heart in the process...
I stopped talking to her for a time and even stopped chatting on IRC not too much longer after this. We have since let our past be our past and are now friends again. She actually got married to a different guy she met on IRC and moved to Australia with him. She seems happy and I'm glad. I wish things had turned out so well for me...
Monday, June 14, 2010
Love the Third
Is it possible to have loved someone that you only know over the computer? I say that it is because I have experienced it. There were many years between my second love and my third and many broken relationships with women that I was never really in love with. I lived with one of my ex-girlfriends for a short time (about 5 months) and after that failed, I spent pretty much all of my free time on IRC (internet-relay chat). During that time I fell in love with a woman in Texas. I think we "dated" on IRC for about 2 months or so, spending all of our free time talking to each other either on the phone or over the computer. Then she decided that she couldn't commit to just dating me and I am not one that likes the idea of not dating someone exclusively. I don't share. So we decided to break it off, several days later I started dating my fourth love. I know that seems fast, but she came on strong, I'll explain that story later.
I did finally meet my TX love about 6 months after we split up. I was helping my parents move back to FL from Arizona and I convinced them to take a slight detour so that I could stop and meet her. We arrived at about 11:30 pm, she came and picked me up, we went back to her place and I spent the night (no, nothing other than sleep happened). The next morning, she got up and took her kids to school. I never expected anything to happen between us, but while we were at her house that morning, she kissed me. It was one of the most amazing kisses I've ever experienced. There was a definite chemistry there. Shortly after that my dad called because he wanted to get back on the road. So, while I didn't have much time with her, it was enough to leave me wanting more.
What I had failed to mention to her was that I was dating someone back in FL when I visited her. I told her about it when I got back to FL and I don't think she's ever forgiven me. Now I know that it most likely never would have ended up working out anyways, she had no interest in moving to FL and I honestly had no interest in moving to TX. But there was definitely something between us.
Fourth love coming soon...
I did finally meet my TX love about 6 months after we split up. I was helping my parents move back to FL from Arizona and I convinced them to take a slight detour so that I could stop and meet her. We arrived at about 11:30 pm, she came and picked me up, we went back to her place and I spent the night (no, nothing other than sleep happened). The next morning, she got up and took her kids to school. I never expected anything to happen between us, but while we were at her house that morning, she kissed me. It was one of the most amazing kisses I've ever experienced. There was a definite chemistry there. Shortly after that my dad called because he wanted to get back on the road. So, while I didn't have much time with her, it was enough to leave me wanting more.
What I had failed to mention to her was that I was dating someone back in FL when I visited her. I told her about it when I got back to FL and I don't think she's ever forgiven me. Now I know that it most likely never would have ended up working out anyways, she had no interest in moving to FL and I honestly had no interest in moving to TX. But there was definitely something between us.
Fourth love coming soon...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Turn of Events
I know it's been a while since I posted anything, but it's for good reason. My 2nd love.. the one that got away has returned to me. She is back in my life, and in ways that I never believed possible. More on that later.
It's extremely complicated, there's a lot of story I haven't gotten to on here yet that I had intended to, and I will eventually, but for now I want to explain my current situation.
I got married in 2003, I was 27 and she was 25. The relationship was pretty doomed from the beginning for reasons I'm not going to get into at this point. In November of 2004 we had a baby boy, the light of my life. In 2005 I was laid off from my job of 6 1/2 years, was unemployed for just over 6 months (a blessing in disguise, got to be around my son all the time). Started work the first of the year 2006, worked there for 2 years and just under 4 months and was fired from there (my fault), started working about a month later for way less money, worked there for a little over a year and got fired again (I do not accept blame for this one, long story). All the time I was working up until I got fired from the second job, my wife was going to school to be a nurse. Finally she graduated in 2008 and was working in the late part of the year. By this point our relationship had deteriorated significantly and by July 2009 she moved out. We are still married, more for financial reasons than anything else.
I said previously that my second love recently found out that her husband had been cheating on her. That's not entirely accurate, apparently he's been cheating on her for about 4 years and she just recently found out that he's STILL cheating on her. She said that she has been in denial about it for a long time, but she is finally over it and done with him. She is going to see an attorney this week to start the divorce process.
This past weekend, she came for a visit, her parents and her brother still live here and her brother's birthday was this past weekend. She also found a way to spend some time with me. I dared not believe anything would come of her visit, regardless of the fact that I am still in love with her. It amazes me how that feeling never goes away. But something did happen, and no I will not go into details, but it was the best weekend I've had in a very long time. And it ended with her going home (one state north of me), but with a vision of the future that included us being together. It only took 13 years, but we've been reunited and my future has never looked so bright.
Now we both have divorces to go through and we both have children and the intention is for her to move back here. All of this is going to be difficult, but completely worth it.
How strange to think how one weekend can change my life so drastically. So here's to the future... more to come.
It's extremely complicated, there's a lot of story I haven't gotten to on here yet that I had intended to, and I will eventually, but for now I want to explain my current situation.
I got married in 2003, I was 27 and she was 25. The relationship was pretty doomed from the beginning for reasons I'm not going to get into at this point. In November of 2004 we had a baby boy, the light of my life. In 2005 I was laid off from my job of 6 1/2 years, was unemployed for just over 6 months (a blessing in disguise, got to be around my son all the time). Started work the first of the year 2006, worked there for 2 years and just under 4 months and was fired from there (my fault), started working about a month later for way less money, worked there for a little over a year and got fired again (I do not accept blame for this one, long story). All the time I was working up until I got fired from the second job, my wife was going to school to be a nurse. Finally she graduated in 2008 and was working in the late part of the year. By this point our relationship had deteriorated significantly and by July 2009 she moved out. We are still married, more for financial reasons than anything else.
I said previously that my second love recently found out that her husband had been cheating on her. That's not entirely accurate, apparently he's been cheating on her for about 4 years and she just recently found out that he's STILL cheating on her. She said that she has been in denial about it for a long time, but she is finally over it and done with him. She is going to see an attorney this week to start the divorce process.
This past weekend, she came for a visit, her parents and her brother still live here and her brother's birthday was this past weekend. She also found a way to spend some time with me. I dared not believe anything would come of her visit, regardless of the fact that I am still in love with her. It amazes me how that feeling never goes away. But something did happen, and no I will not go into details, but it was the best weekend I've had in a very long time. And it ended with her going home (one state north of me), but with a vision of the future that included us being together. It only took 13 years, but we've been reunited and my future has never looked so bright.
Now we both have divorces to go through and we both have children and the intention is for her to move back here. All of this is going to be difficult, but completely worth it.
How strange to think how one weekend can change my life so drastically. So here's to the future... more to come.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Love Never Fails
So the first time I loved and lost was with my high school sweetheart. We started dating when I was 17 and she was 15. Our relationship was amazing to me. I don't remember ever getting into a truly heated argument with her and we dated for about 4 years. Two of those years together here and two long distance.
I still wonder if her father took the job in Omaha at least partially to get her away from me (if you haven't guessed, he never liked me and he never hid that fact from me). They were moving shortly after she graduated from high school and we decided not to attempt a long distance relationship for the same reasons that it ended up failing. She lived in Omaha for about a year and then they moved again to the San Diego area.
Over those last two years we only saw each other 3 times. Once when I went to visit her in Omaha and twice when she came here to visit. I was so stupid, why didn't I take the time to put more effort into keeping that relationship going? What ended up killing us was my busy schedule and lack of contact with her. Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose.
Anyways, around the same time my relationship with her was ending, I was having an affair with my best friend's ex-girlfriend. Sounds bad and it certainly changed my life, but that's a story for another time.
Let's just say I ended up falling in love with her even though she was dating another guy (not my best friend). Of course while she was dating him, she was fooling around with me. But I was stupid once again. I could've had her if I only would've asked her to leave him and be with me, but I never did. I think mostly because I was holding onto the hope of getting back with my first love. She is still in my life to some extent, my friend on facebook and we talk every so often. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was go to her wedding. The whole time I wanted to stop it and tell her she was making a mistake. Apparently I wouldn't have been too far off-base as she has recently found out that he is cheating on her.
So no, I don't believe that you have one "soul-mate" or only one shot at true love. But I will admit that it's never the same. Each time I've been in love has been very different than the others.
Stay tuned.. Love the Third coming soon...
I still wonder if her father took the job in Omaha at least partially to get her away from me (if you haven't guessed, he never liked me and he never hid that fact from me). They were moving shortly after she graduated from high school and we decided not to attempt a long distance relationship for the same reasons that it ended up failing. She lived in Omaha for about a year and then they moved again to the San Diego area.
Over those last two years we only saw each other 3 times. Once when I went to visit her in Omaha and twice when she came here to visit. I was so stupid, why didn't I take the time to put more effort into keeping that relationship going? What ended up killing us was my busy schedule and lack of contact with her. Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose.
Anyways, around the same time my relationship with her was ending, I was having an affair with my best friend's ex-girlfriend. Sounds bad and it certainly changed my life, but that's a story for another time.
Let's just say I ended up falling in love with her even though she was dating another guy (not my best friend). Of course while she was dating him, she was fooling around with me. But I was stupid once again. I could've had her if I only would've asked her to leave him and be with me, but I never did. I think mostly because I was holding onto the hope of getting back with my first love. She is still in my life to some extent, my friend on facebook and we talk every so often. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was go to her wedding. The whole time I wanted to stop it and tell her she was making a mistake. Apparently I wouldn't have been too far off-base as she has recently found out that he is cheating on her.
So no, I don't believe that you have one "soul-mate" or only one shot at true love. But I will admit that it's never the same. Each time I've been in love has been very different than the others.
Stay tuned.. Love the Third coming soon...
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
To Love.. and Lose
It's been said, that it's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. I think Tommy Lee Jones said it best as Kay in Men in Black, "Try it."
I've known love, true love and realized years later that I was the reason I lost it. My youth, naivety, stupidity and selfishness lost my love. More than once.
This seems to be one lesson I simply cannot learn. I continue to make stupid decisions in life that turn my world upside-down. Finally I have come to realize that my one love, my one true love was never really mine. I didn't deserve her and certainly don't now.
She was everything you could possibly want in a woman and nothing you don't. Beautiful, intelligent, fun. Never one to complain or nag or fret. Always willing to have fun. Always there by your side.
Too good to be true, and yet true nonetheless. I haven't seen or spoken to her in over a decade and yet I still have dreams about her. Every time I see or hear her name, I feel a pang in my chest reminding me what I so hastily lost all those years ago. Every time I feel like I finally may have gotten over and beyond my feelings for her, something brings them rushing back in...
Every relationship I've had since her has been a failure. With my life failing just as quickly. And now I fear that I have reached a point where I can never know true happiness again. For I am nothing without an amazing woman by my side.
And I wonder.. am I the loser that her father always pegged me to be? Have I accomplished nothing and failed at making myself a better person?
Can I change?
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